KING FEZ 

BV 

GEORGE WILLIAM LOUTTIT 



AtTTHOH OF 

"A MAID OF THE WIIiDWOOD," 
'THE GE]!fTL,EMA5r FROM JAY," ETC. 



ADDHESS OF ATJTHOH 

GEORGE W, LOUTTIT 

FORT WATNE, INDIANA 



TIMES-HERALD PRESS 
FORT WAYNE, IND. 



LIBRARY of CONGRESS 
Two Copies Receivti-a 

DEC 16 190? 

Copyrijnt tnwy 



GLASS 4 XXc, No 






I 



r 



COPYKIGHT, 1907, BY GEORGE W. LOUTTIT 

NOTICE — ^This work has been copyrighted as a Book and 

lyiterary Composition, and all rights are 

hereby reserved 



Copyright, 1907, by George W. Louttit 

notice; — This work has been copyrighted as a Dramatic 

Composition, and all rights are 

hereby reserved 



In the Land of Bohemia. 



Fez King of Bohemia 

YoKO First Counsellor to the King 

Rabmag Successor to Yoko 

Punk Court Jester 

Crocus A General 

Cupid God of Love 

Priest 

Tuberose Queen of Bohemia 

Beota ) j Boyal Maids in Waiting 

Zenora ) ( TJpon the Queen 

(Fairies, Soldiers, Citizens and Others.) 



King 3tt 



Copyright, 1907, by George W. I^outtit 



Art 1 



SCENE IN THE KING'S PALACE. 

{King Fez on his throne, surrounded hy fairies, to either side of him Cupid 

and Punk.) 

Opening Chorus Sunbeams kiss the morning dews, 
Spreading broadcast rainbow hues, 
Mermaids wash naughty wrinkles 
From the maids they daily sprinkle 
With the nectar of the flowers 
As they lie in shady bowers ; 
Old Sol shows their graces 
As through the sky he races, 
Winking, blinking at the mountain peak, 
Beckoning to Cupid and his fairies to speak. 

Cowslips drink the evening dews, 

June-bugs gather courtship news. 

Golden stars brightly twinkle. 

Tiny blue-bells gently tinkle. 

Lovers dance among the flowers. 

Peep through fragrant, shady bowers. 

Old Luna, he makes faces 

As through the sky he races. 

Winking, blinking at the mountain peak. 

Beckoning to Cupid and his fairies to speak. 



King Fez E 'en the hearts of kings must bleed with sorrow. All the night I see 
forboding visions that haunt me all the day. My crown is heavy, 
and at times I wish I was as the lowliest of my people, for I envy 
them the happiness denied me. 

Punk If your royal highness don 't cut out booze you '11 be seeing something 

worse than forboding visions. 

King Fez Nay, nay, it helps me drown my sorrow. 

Punk That is true, but it is liable to drown you first. 

King Fez Trouble! trouble! trouble! Work! work! work! That is all there 
is in this world. 

Punk Aj^e, you have trouble working your friends. 

King Fez My affliction is here; (indicating) it is of the heart. 

Punk No wonder, when you imagine that every woman you see is in love 

with you. Your heart is pretty well scattered over the kingdom, 
and if I were you I'd gather up the pieces and put them together 
again. 

King Fez I'm sick, sick for want of love, so sing me a ditty that will ease my 
aching heart. 

Punk This thing of mixing love and mixing drinks is enough to send any 

man to the demnition bow-wows, 

Cupid (Sings) I am the jaunty king of love 

And I defy the world 
To show me man, or youth, or maid 

Whose love I've ne'er unfurled. 
I conquer kings and warriors bold 

And all the maids I greet, 
I laugh to scorn the hermit's vows 

When he a fair maid meets. 



Chorus Cupid, you are naughty, 
Cupid, you are jaunty, 
Ever coy, ever sly, 
You catch the bold. 
You catch the shy; 
You catch the maid 



Who won't be crossed, 
You catch the man 
Who won't be bossed. 
You catch them all 
Without a miss, 
But most times, sir, 
'Tis with a kiss. 

Punk (Sings) No pretty maid has caught me yet, 
And never will, you can bet. 
Oh, no, she can 't hand me a lemon, 
Not when they're three for a dime. 
So she can get a bunch of alimony 
For some other to have a time. 

Cupid (Sings) I am the jaunty king of love, 
And broken vows I mend; 
I drive away angry tears 
And proudest hearts do bend. 
I conquer fools and wise men, too, 
When they the least expect it, 
But never have I heard them say, 
' ' Oh Cupid, I regret it. ' ' 

Punk (Sings) That's only because he never was in court. 

Never heard of alimony or temporary support, 
Never was married or walked the floor at night, 
Singing to the baby until broad day light. 

Chorus Cupid, you are naughty, 
Cupid, you are jaunty; 
Ever coy, ever sly, 
You catch the bold. 
You catch the shy, 
you catch the maid 
Who won 't be crossed, 
You catch the man 
Who won't be bossed; 
You catch them all 
Without a miss. 
But most times, sir. 
It ain't all bliss. 

(A bugle call. Enter Yoho.) 



YOKO 

Cupid 
King Fez 

YOKO 

King Fez 

YOKO 

King Fez 



Heard ye the bugle call. 'Tis another call to quell a riot. The people 
are upon the verge of rebellion and we must prepare to give them 
battle. 



Punk 
King Fez 
Punk 

King Fez 

YOKO 

Punk 

King Fez 
Punk 

King Fez 
Punk 



Oh! Oh! This is no place for us. 



{Exit Cupid and fairies.) 



To arms, you say ! Rather say to hell, for you are all traitors, flatter- 
ing me by day and plotting for my throne at night. 

Nay, King — 

Am I a liar ? 

I beg of you not to — 

Can you not hold your tongue? Is it like a dog's tail that it must 
wag all the time — pouring out doleful tales and prophesying dire 
calamity ? Evil ! Evil ! Evil is all that comes from your lips. You 
have sown discord and it has torn the whole of my people. The only 
true friend I have is my gold. Gold! Gold! Gold! 'Tis what all 
men are crying for. 

And gold's friendship shifts with its ownership. 

And only gold will allay this rebellious spirit among my people. 

The best way to allay rebellion is to cut off the rebels' heads, and if 
I am not mistaken Prince Yoko is just aching for you to experiment 
with his. 

I had a dream last night and dreamed that you. Prince Yoko, was 
the arch traitor. 

Dreams go by contraries, and wisdom never drops from the lips of 
fools. 

But I have known fools to let the cat out of the bag and spoil a 
nicely hatched plot. 

I must think. I must think. 

Everybody for himself and the devil for us all; and if your royal 
nibs wants to hold down that soft snap of yours, it's this {draws his 
hand across his throat) for Prince Yoko. 

Uneasy is the head that wears a crown. 

Then trade it off for a goat. 



King Fez Come ! Come my dear Punk, for I. must think. I must think. 

Punk (Aside) If he does it will be the first time in his life. 

{Exit King Fez and Punk.) 

YoKO I have all to gain and naught to lose, for it is as easy for me to be 

king in name as in fact. Uneasy is his crown, he says ; then it is for 
me to relieve him from this embarrassment. The dotard King has 
less sense than his fool . King Yoko. That sounds well. Ha! Ha! 
I '11 play the game, wear his crown. The game is as good as won. 
{Enter Zenora) 

Zenora I thought the King was here. 

Yoko He was, but the fool swallowed himself in a fit of anger. 

Zenora Hush, 'tis treason to talk so. 

Yoko I '11 hush for a kiss. 

Zenora Have a care, sir, you seem to forget yourself. 

Yoko When in your presence I forget everything but your beauty, your 

lovliness. {He steals a kiss.) 

Zenora Villain! Were I a man I'd avenge this insult. 

Yoko Ho ! ho ! ho ! Sweet lips and a sharp tongue. 

Zenora For shame that you would take advantage of a defenceless woman. 

Yoko For days, weeks and months you have spurned my love, laughed at 

me, ridiculed me, but you shall do it no more. Mark you, some day 
you will become my wife, either by fair or — 
{Reenter King Fez and Punk.) 

King Fez Hold ! No threats, and if there is to be any love making, I shall be 
one of the principal actors. Prince Yoko, leave instantly or off 
comes your head. {Exit Yoko.) Ah, the fairest, fairest maiden 
that ever lived. 

Zenora Such words are not for me, but for the queen. 

Punk There's another lemon for him. 

King Fez Then this is for you. {Steals a kiss from her, also throws his arms 
about her.) 



Zenora {Breaking from Mm.) Do you forget that yon are a husband and a 

King ? That yonr kingdom is in danger ? Can yon not see that it is 
such actions as these that are sowing rebellion? 

King Fez Huzzy! I am your King, and by all the gods, you shall obey me. 
And I have the power to make you mine. 

Punk {Aside) Not if your wife knows it. 

Zenora {Drawing a dagger from her iosom.) I defy you and your power! 

This shall be my protection, and before I will be yours I will thrust 
it into my sorrowing heart before your eyes. 

Punk {Aside) That's the way a woman always fights. 

King Fez Not in all my days have it witnessed such courage! Suvih beauty! 
By the saints, I'd give the half of my kingdom to have you for a 
wife. Promise that some day you will wed me. 

Zenora 'Tis not a time to talk of love. Matters of state need your attention. 

Pacify your subjects by doing them justice that you may retain 
your crown. 

Punk {Aside) And your head as well. 

King Fez Ha ! ha ! You would marry me if I remain king ? As I feared, you 
are as all women — marry for power and wealth. 

Punk Do you blame them 1 

Zenora I shall never wed you, for with my hand goes my heart. King Fez, 

all this talk ill becomes you; you cannot be yourself — it must be 
some demon working within you. 

Punk {Aside) Oh, that's the snakes and striped kangaroos. 

King Fez Stop! No more. Tour goodness has conquered. {Takes the dagger 
from her.) I shall keep this in remembrance of you, for I love you 
— for the first time I have learned true love. 

Punk I've heard him make that speech a hundred times. 

(Exit Zenora. Enter Yoke.) 

YoKO {Pointing to Zenora) A piece of impertinence. 

King Fez Ha! ha! ha! So she has taken some of the conceit out of you, by 
throwing your love in your face. 



YoKO By the saints, I '11 humble her. She '11 marry me yet ! 

King Fez Have care! Have care! Attempt to take an unfair advantage ol: 
that fair princess and I'll hang you higher than the heavens. 

Punk That's the only way he'll ever get there. 

YoKO It looks as though you also have fallen a victim to her pretty face. 

King Fez Dog! Do not forget who you are addressing. 

Punk A pretty face can make no end of mischief. I can part the best of 

friends, create a rebellion, or furnish grounds for a divorce. 

Cries WITHOUT Rebellion! Rebellion! Down with the King! 

King Fez Damn the rebels ! 

YoKO Damning them won't crush them. {Exit Yoko.) 

Cries without Down with the King ! Hang him ! Down with the King ! 

King Fez Give me wine. {He drinks) Give me more wine that I may drown 
my sorrows. 'Tis not enough; give me more. {Again drinks) Bring 
forth the pretty maids, for they and wine go hand in hand, as sauce 
for meat. {Enter cliorus girls) Sing me a lively ditty, a song of 
love, that I may forget my troubles. {Falls into a drunken stupor.) 

Chorus In a musty, dusty old cellar, 

Where the cob-webs were thick and old, 
Dream.ed a bawky, gawky old king 

With a great big bag of gold. 
He lay beside an oaken cask 

To suckle of its wine, 
But this he found an awful task, 

So drank from out a stein. 
When he had all that he could hold 

He staggered to his feet 
And all about the cellar rolled 

To snakes and goblins greet. 
He pawed the air in awful fright. 

Then staggered toward the door ; 
Shrieked and groaned with all his might, 

Then tumbled to the floor. 



In a musty, dusty old cellar 

A spider sat spinning its web 
Over a crazy, lazy old king, 

Whom the spider had thought was dead. 
It stuck a web upon his nose, 

Then drew it 'cross his eyes. 
Then danced a jig upon his toes. 

While waiting for some flies. 
But first a mouse got in the trap, 

And then a great big bug. 
To soon be followed by a rat 

A ' toteing a big jug. 
Ere long there was an awful fight, 

Which roused the king from stupor, 
Who yelled and swore he saw a ghost, 

Then ran like a trooper. 

King Fez Hold! You will drive me mad! Away! Away with the music, for 
it is as salt poured into a wound. Give me drink. (Exit all as he 
drinks.) This thirst is damnable. My head! My head! (Places 
his hands to his head.) This bitterness in my mouth. Damn the 
wine! (Hurls the goblet to the floor.) 

Punk Take life easy, old boy, it ain't as bad as it seems. 

King Fez See ! 'Tis a monstrous serpent ! Away with it, quick ! 

Punk The old boy has the jim-jams again, for he is seeing things. 

King Fez There are two of them; aye, four, six, eight, a thousand, a million! 
Save me! Save me! (Grasps Punlis hand and begins to pick 
imaginary serpents from his clothing.) 

Punk I 'm glad I 'm not drinking the kind of whiskey he drinks ; not if the 

snakes multiply at that rate. 

King Fez They are crawling all over me. They bite! I am lost! They will 
kill me. Save me ! Save me ! 

Punk Gee whiz! That is worse than fighting a fellow's shadow. (Shakes 

King Fez.) You better take the jag cure, or you will be bug house 
right. 

King Fez Ye gods! See the monsters! Thousands of them, billions! They 
are bent upon crushing me. See their loathsome, slimy forms ! They 

10 



crawl over me. They bite me with their fiery fangs ! Those forked 
tongues ! Those yawning mouths ! Those poisoned fangs ! They 
bite! They bite! I perish! I perish! {Falls insensible into Punk's 
arms. ) 

Punk This isn't what I call the simple life! What he needs is a bracer. 

(Lays him upon the floor.) Old boy, you were all right until you 
went wrong, but you couldn't stand prosperity. It cost a pretty 
fortune to put that nose on you, but I'll be darned if I'd pay what 
he did for it. Now if his wife were here, she'd blame me, give me 
hell, and leak tears like a crocodile. 
(Enter the Queen.) 

Queen Oh! Oh! You have murdered my husband, the King! 

Punk (Aside.) I told you so. (Aloud.) Not at all, your royal highness. 

He has simply had a stroke of jagitus, caused by an over-consump- 
tion of extra fine booze. 

Queen Brute ! 'Tis you who have brought him to this ! 

Punk As I'm in for it, your royal highness, please go right ahead without 

stopping, for if you don 't, I 'm liable to lose my nerve before you get 
through ; you see, I 'm not married and not used to this kind of thing. 

Queen Ah, this drink is an awful curse, for it makes a beast of man. 

Punk You're next all right. 

Queen Yes, drink makes a beast of man, and fills the world with sorrow, 

orphans and widows. Once he was a loving husband, a true king, 
but drink has changed all. He has neglected his kingly duties and 
has placed power in the hands of his venal and vile associates, who 
by their prodding and robbing of the people have driven them 
upon the verg"e of rebellion. 

Woe is the day when the first blood is spilt, for it will arouse the 
savage nature in the people and make of them human tigers. 

Oh, my sorrow is more than I can bear! My heart is being rent 
asunder! (She weeps.) 

Punk That's a prettj^ good speech, your royal highness made. Almost as 

good as I could make. But if you want him to get well we must 
shoot something else than curtain lectures into him. If we take him 
into the next room and shoot a quart of benzine into him he'll either 
explode or get well. (Queen lifts the King.) Well, she's handled 

11 



beer barrels before, so I guess we can tote him into his royal bed. 
(Exit King Fez, led hy Punk and Queen.) 
(Enter Cupid, from opposite side of stage, Zenora and Beota.) 

Beota Sings That sly little fellow 
Who lives in the skies, 
With wings of golden yellow 
And laughing blue eyes. 
Who shoots at the heart 
With his dainty little dart. 
Hath come to our portals 
To smite all mortals. 
To ease all bleeding hearts 
With his dainty little dart. 

(Enter Crocus.) 

Zenora Sings Pray, dear little man. 

Shoot as straight as you can, 

Sink your dainty little dart 

Deep, deep into the heart. 

Lay our love bare 

As much as you dare. 

And ere you flee to the skies, 

Be sure and join love's ties. 

Crocus Sings I love to bask in winsome smiles 

Of maidens with loving eyes. 
And see the blushes on their cheeks?, 

More fair than summer skies. 
To hear their gentle words of love. 

Then take them in my arms. 
Rest their heads upon my breast, 

And drink of their charms. 

Cupid How gallant of the general. The best I ever heard. 

Beota Oh, you naughty little fellow. 

Cupid I wonder if the Princess Zenora has ever loved. 

Zenora 'Tis none of your affair, little one. 

Cupid (Pointing his arrow at her breast.) Ho ! Ho ! Do you not know that 

I am privileged to say what I wish when it concerns love f 

12 



Crocus I dare yon to shoot me with yonr little dart. 

Cupid Dare ! I never took a dare in my life. (Places dart in quiver.) 

Pshaw! You are too cross and not worth the pains. (Starts to 
leave.) 

Beota Ah, dear little Cupid, do not leave us, I pray you; not yet — not in 

anger. 

Cupid Anger ! 'Tis a strange word to me. I do not know what you mean. 

Speak to me of love, then I would understand you. 

Crocus A most fortunate and wise little fellow. (Enter Queen.) 

Queen And who is this dear little man? 

Cupid Have you never heard of me, good Queen? 

Queen No, little one. 

Cupid Just as I thought. I am a stranger to all those not in love. I have 

wasted too much time here now, and must be on my way to smite 
the hearts of kings and queens as well as rich and poor. 

Queen Pray tarry, little one, and smite the heart of my lord and King. 

Cupid His heart is of stone, and I should injure my reputation as well as 

my arrow were I to attempt to pierce it. 

Queen Do not discourage me, little one. I know that you are immortal, 

and that nothing is impossible for you to do. 

Cupid I would if it were for the best, most sweet Queen, but I do not wish 

to come tomorrow and have my arrow plucked from his heart. You 
see, 'tis like this : I only shoot the true and steadfast heart, the heart 
that does not change with the changes of the moon. Adieu, but do 
not be discouraged, for I will come again, come with a golden arrow, 
which I will shoot straight into the heart of the King. With this 
golden arrow his love will be steadfast and true. (Enter King Fez.) 

King Fez (To Cupid.) What are you doing here? 

Queen He is the little god of love, my lord. 

King Fez 'Tis scolding wives and milkmaids that need him most. 

13 



Cupid I find more jewels among the milkmaids than among kings, and as 

for scolding wives, aye, such as you are made them. 

Queen Shoot, little one. I pray you, shoot. 

Cupid And break my arrow? The King's heart is of marble, a fit tomb- 

stone for inconstancy. 

King Fez A most impudent little fairy, and yet I would drink to his health. 

Queen (Sings) Little Cupid, king of love, 

Be not a stranger, we pray; 
Come from thy throne above 

And laugh all sorrow away. 
Smile upon the King and me, 

Pierce our hearts with love. 
Keep the tears from our eyes. 

Chase away all our sighs. 

Cupid (Sings) Good Queen, I'll come another day, 
"When I can reach his heart. 

Queen (Sings) Dear Cupid, why this delay, 
I am ready to do my part. 

King Fez (Sings) My heart is like a stone : 

It flashes fire instead of love ; 
So go your way, my saucy boy. 
And try your magic on the dove, 

Zenora (Sings) Nay, King, drive him not away, 
He may not come again. 

Beota (Sings) Aye, she is right, O King, 

Tour folly may cause you pain. 

Crocus (Sings) Heed the words of wisdom, O King, 
Before it is too late. 

Queen (Sings) Heed our words, King, 

Purge your heart of hate. 
Whisper to me words of love 
Before it is too late. 

14 



King Fez (Sings) 



Queen (Sings) 
Cupid (Sings) 



Go ! Have I not said the word ? 

Am I to be coaxed and driven ? 
Am I to be like a caged bird, 

Take that which is given? 
Am I to be denied my freedom, 

In this, my own kingdom? 
Hush! No more of this 

Or a King's vengeance you'll feel. 
Hush ! No more of this. 

Or your fates you'll seal, 

King, I kneel to thee, (Kneels) 
Pray listen before too late. 

He is blind and cannot see; 
I no longer can wait. 



Beota 

Zenora 

Crocus 



f Let her not plead in vain, 

(Sing I She is your wife without a stain. 

as \ 

Trio.) I She loves you as the day you were wed ; 

[ Do not tell us that your love is dead. 



King Fez (Sings) Away! Away! I say! 
Ere hell is to pay. 
(Bugle call mingled with cries of mod.) 

Cries Without Rebellion ! Rebellion ! Down with the King ! Down with the 
King! 

(Enter Punk in haste.) 

Punk Flee ! Flee, birdies ! Flee, for the people have their scalping knives 

out and clamor for that of his royal highness as a starter. 

(Exit all iut King Fes, Queen and Punk.) 

King Fez Never will I flee from my own. 

Punk Prince Yoko has handed you a lemon. 

King Fez Do you mean that he has turned traitor ? 

Punk He don't call it that. You see, he is after your job and to get it, has 

soured the good common people on you. 

King Fez Is it he who leads the rabble ? 



15 



Punk 



He is too wise for that. 



King Fez The base wretch! After I have made him powerful, given him 
wealth, he would crush me. The ingrate! 

Queen To arms ! To arms ! To arms, my lord ! Often have you met the 

enemy ! Often have they fallen before you. To arms, save yourself 
and your kingdom ! 

King Fez Ah, precious, you are my strong arm when in trouble. (Kisses her) 

(Exit the King.) 

Queen 

Punk 

YOKO 

Punk 
Queen 

YOKO 

Punk 
Queen 



It is only war, horrible war, that will open the King's eyes. 

Or close them, one or the other. (Enter Yoho in disguise.) 

Love within, war without. A gallant king is King Fez. 

'Tis the devil in disguise. 

What ! You, Prince Yoko ! You here like a thief ! 

Why not call me traitor? Pshaw! I hope you are not true to the 
man you call your husband after the insults he has heaped upon you. 
If so, you are a jewel wife. 

That's it, the more a woman is abused, the better she likes it. 



Prince Yoko, how dare you talk so ? Leave my presence ! Leave this 
instant, or I will call the King. 

(Yoko laughs. Queen goes to the window and looks without. Without are 
the cries of rahhle, groans, etc., as if fighting.) 



Queen 
Yoko 

Punk 

Queen 



The King leads ! They flee ! They flee ! They flee before him ! 

(Looking out the window.) Curse him ! That drunken dog is turn- 
ing defeat into victory ! My general is a coward ! Damn him ! He 
deserves to lose his head! 



Better look out for your own. 



(Exit Punk and Yoko.) 



Oh ! Oh ! They have fired the temple ! (Light of flames without.) 
War ! War ! War is awful ; it is terrible, for in one short hour the 
work of ages is destroyed. 

(Enter Crocus, Zenora, Beota and others.) 

16 



Crocus 



Zenora 



(Looking aid the window.) Ye Gods! The King gives no quarter, 
and strews death right and left. 



Oh ! Oh ! The rebels are penned into the temple like rats in a trap. 
(Lights as of hvrning huilding without, also cries.) 
(In the rear of stage, the following song is swng hy mob:) 

Though the tyrant's hand has laid us low, 

The seed of liberty has been sown, 
Which will flourish, which will grow. 

To hurl the tyrant from his throne. 
Freedom's seed can ne'er be killed. 

Liberty's cry can ne'er be stilled; 
It makes the hearts of cowards strong, 

Will make men strive to right a wrong, 
Will breed all men, not a knave, 

Will shame the traitor to his grave. 
Liberty, liberty, love and freedom. 

All we ask for our children. 

(While moh sings the above, the following dialogue ensues on stage.) 

Queen These revolutionists are mad fanatics, and, I believe, would sacrifice 

their lives for their fanciful principle. 

Zenora 'Tis tyranny that breeds revolutionists. 

Queen Ah, yes, they have cause for complaint, but they should not be so 

impatient, for it takes time to right a wrong. When the King is 
himself, he has a good, kind heart. He wishes to govern justly. 

Beota He will today lose many who might have been loyal subjects. 

Crocus Tush ! Tush! This mob must be annihilated. We must show no 

mercy. 

Zenora The base Yoko is the leading spirit of this rebellion, but he is shrewd 

enough to save himself. 'Tis a pity that a man with the talents he 
possesses should put them to such base uses. (Singing Ceases.) 

Queen Oh! Oh! This is awful! The temple is about to fall. 

All The people are entrapped! Oh! Oh! 

(Lights of burning building collapsing, mingled with cries and groans.) 
(Enter Yoko, undisguised.) 

17 



YoKO The rebellion is at an end and the King is victorious. All hail to the 

King! 

Queen Are my eyes deceiving me? (Enter King Fez and Punk.) 

Punk Prince Yoko, you certainly have the nerve of a porcupine. 

YoKO (Strikes Punk.) Take that, you fool! 

King Fez Hold! By what authority do you strike my servant? 

Punk You'll get a receipt for this. 

Yoko I have been most loyal, most noble King. 

Punk A most loyal traitor ! 

Yoko Adieu, most noble King. (Starts to leave.) 

King Fez Seize the traitor. 

(Crocus seizes Yoko.) 

Yoko By what authority am I taken prisoner? 

King Fez By the authority of your king. 

Yoko And for what reason? 

King Fez Let your conscience tell you, traitor. 

Yoko 'Tis false ! I am no traitor. You have been deceived by conniving 

maids and fools. 

King Fez Ungrateful dog! To add insult to your crime! (With a sudden 
twist Yoko strikes down Punk, breaks from Crocus and 
escapes.) Death to the traitor ! Half my kingdom for his capture I 
By the gods, you shall sweat blood for this! 

All (Cry) He escapes! 

Punk To be caught in hell. 

King to Crocus Your head for this. ] 

Crocus I 'm not to blame. [ C^^i ^^ '}^y ^^« ^!;j'>> ^«f ^ f ^^^^^^ 

each pointing to the other.) 

Punk It's no one else. J 

18 



King to Crocus Yoii are to blame. 
Punk to Crocus Of course he is 
Crocus to Punk He is to blame. 



(To he sung as a trio, same melody, 
pointing to each other as indi- 
cated.) 



(The following is to he sung as a trio, each carrying his own words to same 

melody, all in confusion.) 



King 



Queen 



Crocus 



How dared you let that dog escape 
To turn my work to naught. 

How dared you let that dog escajxe, 
Who now cannot be caught. 

Oh King, he did the best he could, 
■\ And he is not to blame. 

Oh King, he did the best he could, 
And it is not your shame. 

I held him long as I could, 
I'll smite him hard ere long; 

I held him long as I could, 
I '11 make right the wrong. 



(Trio, .same as foregoing.) 
Zenoua 



Punk 



Beota 



Oh King, we pray you for mercy, 

Crocus is not to blame; 
Oh King, we pray you for mercy, 

Your work is not in vain. 

That guy, he thinks he's awful wise, 

And now is leaking tears ; 
That guy, he thinks he's awful wise, 
You ought to pull his ears. 

Be not harsh, for all is well, 

He did the best he could; 

No harm has come to anyone, 

And all his turned to good. 

(Enter chorus girls singing; fall at feet of King.) 



19 



Chokus Victorious is our King, 

Glorious is Ms name, 
His praises we sing, 

For great is his fame. 
Kings fall at Ms feet, 

Hail him as King of Kings. 
Sing of his praises, 

As each a token brings. 



(Curtain.) 



20 



Art a 



SCENE IN THE PALACE GARDENS. 

Opening Chorus We strew the way with garlands 
For our ilkistrious King, 
Who hath destroyed the rebels 
Ere they had chance to sting; 
He put them to an early flight, 
Restored the land to peace ; 
They hail him now as master. 
And pray that strife may cease. 

We strew the way with garlands 
For our illustrious King, 
Who hath returned victorious, 
And wealth and glory brings. 
He hath dethroned all monarchs 
Who at his feet doth fall, 
And hail him as their master, 
For he hath conquered all. 

(Enter the King and Punk.) 

King Fez 'Tis said that in wine there is truth, but I say that it contains 
happiness. (Holds a goblet of wine before him, and others do the 
same.) Drink heartily, drink often, drink to the glory of your king ! 
(They drink.) This wine revives my sluggish blood and makes it 
run through my veins as in my youth. Ha ! Ha ! We must have more 
music, that which tickles the soul and makes it laugh, and move the 
shapely feet of these maidens, that I may see their shapely forms to 
best advantage. Hey, day ! Let us sing, dance and be merry. 

(He Sings) I love to trod the forest wilds 
And hunt its beasts of prey. 
To meet the tiger face to face 
At early break of day ; 

21 



Punk (Sings) 



Chorus Girls 
Punk (Sings) 
Cpiorus Girls 



Punk (Sings)' 



Chorus Girls 
Punk (Sings) 
Chorus Girls 



To dare tlie lion in his den 
And hear his angry roar, 

And as he makes his murderous spring, 
Engage him in close war. 

He one time was a sport 

And carried a big gun. 
Then he met a bull dog 

That put him on the run. 
It tore his Sunday pants, 

And scared him out of his wits, 
And when he met his wife, 

She certainly gave him fits. 

Why? 

Because it cost so much. 

A mighty hunter is our king. 

With fame both far and near, 
Who never from a foe did flee, 

Nor man nor beast did fear; 
Who dares the lion in his den 

And meets the angry boar. 
And lays them meekly at his feet 

When they engage in war. 

'Tis said he was a plunger, 

And always after game. 
Those shrewd sort of feliows, 
' That would bring to him great fame. 
They taught him how to booze 
. And play with bulls and bears, 
And' soon he heard some news 

That .filled him full of cares. 

Why? 

Because he lost so much. 



Bring forth the laurel wreath 
And crown him victorious; 
Bring forth the olive branch 
And prove him illustrious, 



(During singing laurel wreath 
is placed upon Ms head.) 



22 



For lie is the victor 

Whose praises are sung", 
Whose courage is the highest, 

And whose enemies are undone. 

Punk (Sings) He used to set the pace 

For all the sports in town, 
Do the latest stunts 

And never wear a frown, 
Flirt with all the girls. 

And take in every hop ; 
But when they talked of marriage, 

He always had to stop. 

Chorus Girls Why? 

Punk (Sings) Because they talked too much. 

(Exit all hut King, singi)tg.) 

Chorus Because it cost so much : 

An excuse men now make. 
Because he lost so much : 

A story wives do hate. 
Because she talked too much : 

Why men stay out so late. 

King Fez Ye fools ! To glory in your own downfall. 'Tis more like me to be 
king of drones than king of kings. Yet such is life. I was born 
great, and fools do love to toddy to my whims for a beggarly crust 
of flattery that I might throw to them, like the housewife doth the 
hungry dog. All my doings the people gape in awe, each word I 
utter, though it be the most foolish, is great in their eyes, and then 
like poll parrots do imitate me, making monkeys of themselves. Ha ! 
Ha! I must laugh at their stupidity, but must do it in my sleeve, 
for should the monkeys see me, it might set them thinking, and then 
hell would be to pay. (Exit the King.) 

(Enter Zenora and Beota.) 

Zenora Oh, that we could escape from this wickedness! 

Beota A base court. 

Zenora I pity the queen. 

23 



Beota 
Zenora 

Beota 

Zenora 
Beota 

Zenora 

Beota 
Zenora 

Beota 

Zenora 

Eabmag 

YOKO 



Poor thing, she weeps night and day, while the King makes merry 
with other women. I fear to stay here longer. 

I fear none bnt this wicked Rabmag, who now wears the mantle of 
Yoko. Last night the villian forcibly threw his arms about me. 
Each time he meets me he becomes more bold, and but for the hope 
that Providence would find me a way of escape your friend Zenora 
would even now be no more. 

(Throws her arms about Zenora' s neck.) Dear one, don't worry. 
Place your trust in Providence, which will protect you. 

Yet I feel deserted. 

I am your friend and companion, so let us bear our troubles 
together. Our lot might be worse — for the Queen is kind — and were 
it not for the base Rabmag we could be happy. Dearest, think what 
so many of our sisters must suffer. 

Yes, yes, it is wrong for me to complain, and were it not for this 
wicked Rabmag I would be happy. 

Hist ! Listen ! 



See, yonder ! (Pointing.) 'Tis Yoko. 
here, into the jaws of death, as it were, 
beast or devil. 

And yonder comes that base Rabmag. 
shrubs. 



He must be mad to return 
Yet he never did fear man, 

Come, let us hide in these 



Aye, and quick, for I do not wish that villian to see me. (They 
hide. Enter Yoko and Rahniag from opposite directions.) 

(As they meet) What! By the gods, if it ain't Yoko, the traitor! 
(Bahmag springs upon Yoko.) Dog, you have come to your death! 
(They fight with daggers, and struggle in silence except that Rabmag 
uses the words traitor, dog and villian occasionally. Finally Yoko 
stabs Babmag.) 

(As Babmag falls) May such be the fate of all monsters ! (Wipes 
his dagger.) I have been most fortunate, for none have seen me 
here and this villian 's death will remain a mystery. This place looks 
natural, and by the looks of things the old King must have been 
having a high old time. (Stoops and looks at Babmag.) He wears 

24 



Beota 

Zenora 

Beota 

Zenora 

Beota 



Zenora 
Beota 



Zenora 

Beota 

Zenora 

Beota 
Zenora 

Beota 



his scowl even in death. Ah, 'tis fortunate that dead men tell no 
tales. I must be moving, for if I should be caught I'd soon be in 
Heaven throwing stars at that devil in fiery hell. Adieu, Rabmag, 
the fool King will now be compelled to get a successor for both of 
us, but I'll wager that when he hears of your death he'll be seeing 
something worse than snakes. (Exit Yoho.) 

(Beota and Zenora come from their hiding places.) 
Let us hasten from this murderous place. 
Now that Rabmag has met justice all maidens can rejoice. 
You must not gloat over the dead. 



True, forgive me if I seem unduly elated. 
Yoko feared no one. 



I told you that Prince 



Ah! I often thought that you had a secret admiration for Yoko. 
La! La! If you are not careful he will steal you to his hiding 
place in the mountains, and I rather imagine you would like it, if 
he first consented to see a priest. 

Beota ! Beota ! How can you talk that way ? Have I not shunned 
him? 

Oh, yes, but I imagine Prince Yoko knows how to read hearts, and 
he probably knows yours better than you know it yourself. Outward 
conduct don 't deceive him, for you know that the lover reads deeper, 
scratches away the cover, and if there is any love there is sure to 
find it. 

Hush ! You have no reason to talk so. You admit he is brave. 

None will deny that ; and it takes a brave man to win your love. 

Ugh! That horrible body! Come, let us get away from it, for it 
makes me shiver. And, Beota, I want you to make me a promise. 

What is it? 

That we keep secret what we have seen this night and not let it be 
known that Yoko is in the city. 

I promise. I promise. But, Oh, dear me, Yoko has the fairest and 
truest disinterested girl acting — 

25 



Zenora Come! Come! Quick, footsteps are approaching, (Exit Zenora 

and Beota. Enter drunken soldiers.) 

First Soldier (Sings) Many battles have we fought, 

And we came conquerors home ; 
We engaged the enemy hand to hand. 

We heard the dying groan, 
We passed the wine to parched lips, 

We saw the vacant stare. 
We praised their deeds of valor 

As their lips grew cold in prayer. 

Chorus And yet we are a jolly lot. 

Without a pain or care, 
And love to sip a bit of wine 

And flirt with maidens fair; 
And love to sip a bit of wine 

And flirt with maidens fair. 

Second Soldier (Sings) Many battles have we fought 

On plains and foreign shore; 
Many victories were dearly bought 

On fields of awful gore; 
We held the foe by the hand 

When he was true and brave, 
And listened to his dying words. 

Then laid him in his grave. 

1st Soldier Ho ! Ho ! We must again drink to our healths. 

2d Soldier And to the girls we love best. 

3d Soldier An old sweetheart of mine told me that she wished I had either left 
my bones on some field of battle or the maids I make merry with. 

2d Soldier Bully for her; let us drink to her health. (As he drinks stumbles 
over Rahmag's body and falls against companions.) 

1st Soldier Has the wine stolen your legs and the maid your brains ? 

2d Soldier Not so. But what is 
Rabmag ! 

1st Soldier 'Tis Rabmag, and dead! 



2d Soldier Not so. But what is this? (Looks at body.) Ye gods! 'Tis 
Rabmag ! 



26 



3d Soldier Unless it is his ghost. (Stoops and looks at body.) Stabbed through 
the heart, and a clean and masterly stroke it was. 

2d Soldier Evidently a fight. Here (Pointing) are evidences of a struggle. 
Here is a dagger still in his hand. 

1st Soldier I'll wager that a woman was at the bottom of it. 

2d Soldier Why? 

1st Soldier See these footsteps? 

3d Soldier There must have been two of them; find these women and the 
truth will be known. 

2d Soldier His death '11 not cause one heartache. Indeed, I know some who 
will rejoice. 

1st Soldier Have a care. A looseness of the tongue has hung more than one 
man. We agree with you, but roll our words in our mind's eye, 
where they can do no harm, and on the day of the funeral we shall 
weep and wail with happy hearts. 

2d Soldier You're v^^ise, yet an honest, open confession is good for the heart, 
and if we are liable to lose our hearts for that, why then we can do 
the next best thing: we can do a little cussin' and envy the fellow 
who did that job. 

3d Soldier You think quite loud, and if it should be heard by others — 

2d Soldier Then woe to our beloved heads. Well, here goes; now watch me 
weep and get mad. (Blows a hugle, then cries at the top of his 
voice.) Murder ! Murder ! Murder ! (A mob begins to gather.) 

3d Soldier Back ! Back ! A foul murder ! By the gods, someone will pay for 
this. Come comrades ! Help me carry our good ruler to the palace 
Chase this mob out of here. These are the palace grounds. 

(Enter PunJc.) 

Punk (As some carry body and others drive bach the mob.^ 

It's the undertaker's turn now. 
He'll pickle him and he'll tickle him, 
He '11 fit him out in a nice box coat. 
He'll give him a shave, lay him in his grave, 
Send him to hell on a billy goat. 

27 



YOKO 

Punk 



Then when he gets thro^^gh with his estate, 
He and the lawyer '11 have an Irish wake. 

(Enter YoJco disguised.) 

Tut! Tut! Yoko, you can fool everybody but a fool. I suppose 
you are after Rabmag's scalp. No? Well if you want to deceive 
your enemies you ought to wear a monkey's face. 

I am not Yoko. 

Then we'll cut off your head and see. Come, my good fellow, that 
is the way to prove it. 

(Enter Crocus, the general.) 

Crocus I thought I heard some words concerning Yoko. In fact, I swear I 

heard his voice. 

Punk Nay, Nay. It was Yoke's ghost. 

Crocus (Takes Jiold of Yoko and looks into his face.) Disguised! The 

real live Yoko disguised, or I 'm a fool. 

Punk I'm not denying that you are a fool, noble Crocus, so we'll not 

argue that point. But Yoko is dead, for it has been so decreed by 
the court and is so recorded in the books. The court has said he 
was dead, and dead he must be. He's dead whether he is alive or 
dead, for the court has so decreed and that is the end of him. 

Crocus As a loyal subject I ought to deliver you up to my soldiers. I 

ought to raise the alarm. 

Punk And bring yourself into contempt of court. Aye, you are a bigger 

fool than I had thought. You might say that he went to hell, and 
that the devil wouldn't have him and sent him back. 

Crocus Stop, you fool. I am talking to Yoko, not you. 

Yoko Well, well, noble Crocus, do your duty, and be done with this 

business. 

Crocus Dead men tell no tales. 

Yoko Why hesitate to turn your dogs loose upon me ? 

Punk Because he'd make a live corspe of you, and you'd take first money 

on the race. 

28 



Crocus (Strikes Punk.) Take that, you fool, for I'll have none of your 

interruptions or foolishness. 

Punk If I was a fighting man I 'd make you look cross-eyed. But it is the 

simple life for me. 

Crocus Then get out of here. 

Punk I '11 go, but I '11 send my ghost back to you. 

Crocus Remember, you are to say naught about Yoko. 

PZ&ae No, No ! I '11 think aloud so some woman can hear. 

Crocus Go ! I say, and as you value your life let none know that Yoko 

is here. 

Punk Ha ! Ha ! A pair of knaves after a ten spot, and Crocus holds the 

trumps. Oh, what he will do to you, my dear Yoko, will be some- 
thing good and plenty. (Exit Punk.) 

Crocus As I was saying, I am not to be fooled. Prince Yoko, and do not 

wish to bury with you the secret of the hiding place of your wealth. 

Yoko I have no wealth. 

Crocus Be reasonable, my friend, or you might loose your head. My eyes 

have been open though my tongue has been quiet. In fact, my 
friend, if you have no wealth, off goes your head; if you have a 
goodly portion and will be generous, I'll arrange for you to remain 
here in disguise, or escape as you wish. 

Yoko You rascal, you are giving me back a dose of my own medicine. 

Crocus Exactly, you taught me the trick and now I have turned it upon you. 

Yoko Aye, aye, we are all grafters when we get a chance. But, my dear 

Crocus, I am willing to take a dose, but you must be reasonable and 
not ask for impossibilities. 

Crocus Tomorrow I will meet you at my home. Abide here until I call 

off the suspecting watch dogs. Adieu. Remember, tomorrow night 
at the north door of my palace. (Exit Crocus.) 

29 



Toko Everybody is after money. Some men will sell their souls for 

money, their honor — everything they have. Bah ! (Enter Zenora.) 
Ye gods ! Each day the Princess Zenora grows more beautiful. I 
never have beheld her equal. Her eyes are the lights to her soul. 
(She passes him.) Fair Princess — 

Zenora Sir ! Have you not made a mistake ? 

YoKO (Throws off disguise.) "We are not strangers. 

Zenora 'Tis the Prince. 

YoKO Yes, Princess Zenora. It is I, and I have risked all to see you. 

Zenora I should think that Rabmag's ghost would keep you from this place. 

YoKO Surely you do not think me a murderer? 

Zenora At. the time that you and he met, I and another stood behind yon 

wooden god. We saw him spring upon you, the struggle and how 
he died. 

YoKO Enough ! Enough ! I did not murder the man but merely defended 

myself, and so I beg of you to be charitable. Ah, I wish that you 
had not seen the act, for you might misjudge me. 

Zenora "Whatever my opinion is of you should not give you the least 

concern. 

YoKO Your opinion of me is everything to me. You know that a price is 

upon my head, and that if captured I would be slaughtered like 
an ox. You know that in yonder mountains I would be safe; but 
life to me without a sight of your good face is nothing. Something 
draws me toward you; that something led me down those rocky 
paths, over wild streams and angry torrents, and through the 
streets of this wicked city in safety to your presence. Here have I 
been In hiding, waiting for you, waiting for one kind word from 
you, dodged the bloodhounds so eager to trounce upon me. In fact, 
I have dared every danger for this one moment. Zenora, can you 
now see what your opinion is to me : that it is everything, my very 
life, as it were? 

Zenora I am nothing to you, and never can be. 

20 



YoKO You are everything to me, for I love you more than I do my own 

life. I will not always be a fugitive, and some day will regain my 
power. 

Zenora Your wickedness will forever stand between us, so leave me I pray 

you. (Enter a priest.) 

Priest Peace and love be with you, my children. (Looks at Yoko.) 'Tis 

Prince Yoko! You are reckless, my son, and your secrets should 
not be told aloud, for perchance others may hear. 

Yoko I thought we were alone. 

Priest Your secret is safe, my son. As to the killing, it was justifiable. 

I have been watching you and I find you sincere, and I believe that 
yo^^ henceforth intend to follow the path of righteousness. For this 
reason we should not betray you. The fruits of sin are death, so 
never fear to do right. Find you a friend, one whom you can trust, 
so that in times of trouble he can counsel and assist you. Be true, 
true to yourself, for that is one of the keys to success in life. 

Yoko I want you for a friend. I want the Princess Zenora for a friend, 

for she is like the purest of gems among the mass of womanhood. 
She is the one woman whom I love, and — 

Zenora 'Tis neither the time nor place to talk of such matters. To me they 

are most unpleasant. 

Yoko Forgive me, fair Princess. Forgive me, for I meant no v/rong. 

(Enter Punk.) 

Punk (Aside.) Ah, ha ! So it is a woman that has brought Prince Yoko 

back. I always thought that he was a pretty hard-shelled chap, but 
when a man is in love, the woman can make a monkey of him and 
he not know it. 

Yoko (To the Priest.) Try and have this fair Princess think well of me. 

Punk (Aside.) So he is telling his troubles to a preacher. He is a back 

number, for now they tell them to a policeman. 

Priest Son, you can do that much better than I can. Hark! Someone is 

coming. 

Punk It's only me, Yoko, so there is no need for you to crawl into a hole 

and pull it in after you. 

31 



YoKO Tilt ! Tut ! Man, I wasn 't thinking of running away. 

Punk No, there is no danger, so long as that fair magnet holds yon. 

YoKO You carry your jests too far, sir. 

Punk But no woman has a string to me, my dear Yoko. 

Priest This is no time to joke. It is a serious matter, my friend. 

Punk You bet, marriage is a serious business. It's two dollars for a 

license, and no telling what the bill for alimony will be. It's like 
a game of poker — all chance — and as I don't play poker I'm not 
going to get married, for the good book says that gambling is wrong, 
and as marriage is a gamble, it's wrong to get married. 

Priest My dear friend, it is wrong for you to talk so. 

Punk You wouldn't think so if you got thrown overboard as often as I 

have. 

Priest You are irredeemable, my friend. 

Punk You bet I am, although no pawnbroker has me in hock. 

Yoko (To Punk.) For once in your life, be serious, my friend. I, as 

you know, know you well, and I have learned that you are not as 
big a fool as you would have us believe. 

Punk Ha! Ha! Ha! Well, you take a fool's advice and get out of here 

as fast as your legs will carry you, for his royal nibs has got it in 
his noodle that you are after his scalp, and that it was you who 
put the finishing touches to Rabmag. He's next, all right, and is 
most scared out of his boots, and is keeping an army and an arsenal 
between him and the back door. Indeed, he's not in any danger 
of catching cold from open doors and windows. 

Priest Yoko, be wise and leave this place. 

Yoko Zenora — 

Zenora Go — Go, before it is too late, 

Yoko I go, but I come again. (Exit Yoko.) 

Punk The old boy must have it pretty bad when he leaks tears. 

(Exit Punk.) 

32 



Zenoua Father, onglit I to forgive Prince Yoko ? 

Priest Aye, if you would be happy, child. 

Zenora I do pity him. 

Priest And pity often fathers love, 

Zenora Surely you do not think I could love Prince Yoko after what he 

has done? 

Priest The whims of love are often strange; in fact, quite unaccountable. 

This much I believe, and that is that Prince Yoko is a changed 
man, and what goodness he has he owes to you. Should he find 
that you are lost to him, I believe that he would become a demon 
incarnate and turn the wrath of hell loose. We know that he is by 
far the most able man in the kingdom, and that he has many 
followers and could do no end of mischief. Therefore, daughter, 
think well. 

Zenora Father, I '11 follow your advice. 

Priest I must go now, daughter. If in doubt, do not hesitate to come to me 

for counsel. Adieu, daughter. Adieu. (Exit Priest.) 



Zenora (Sings.) 



Chorus 



When I was sweet sixteen, 

Not so long ago, 
I was perfectly contented 

With just one boyish beau. 
The down was yet upon his face, 

He was bashful as could be, 
Yet gave me to understand 

He thought a lot of me. 

Sixteen, sixteen, not so long ago, 
The day I was contented 

With just one boyish beau. 

Sixteen, sixteen, not so long ago, 

Yet long enough to regret 
Of having flirted so. 

33 



When I was just eighteen 

I thought I knew it all, 
With a dozen or more lovers 

All at my beck and call. 
One I played against the other, 

For I thought it very pert, 
But soon I got the name 

Of being an awful flirt. 

Now I'm five and twenty, 

With a ninny for a beau, 
And as for real, true men. 

They treat me as a foe. 
They say I am an awful flirt, 

And would make an awful wife ; 
That the man who gets me 

Will lead a strenuous life. 



(Enter Beota) 



Beota Dear Princess, I have been looking everywhere for you. Indeed, 

what brings you to this secluded place. (Enter King, unseen.) 

Zenora I wish to escape the King. 

Beota ■ Isn't it awful the way he acts? I pity the Queen, for her fickle 
husband gives her no end of trouble. 

King Fez (Aloud.) Ho ! Ho ! Do you blame me for being in love ? 
Especially with such beauties so near at hand? 

Zenora You have a good and noble Queen, and you must love her. 

(Enter Queen, unseen.) 

King Fez Bah ! My heart is big enough to love others besides her. You are 
most fair. (Catches Zenora in his arms, who struggles to free 
herself. Finally she scratches him.) Vixen! By the gods, you 
shall not escape me ! (Kisses her. She hreaks from him.) 

Zenora Shame to you! Have you no respect for yourself? Go to your 

Queen ! 

King Fez You pretty fool, to refuse the embraces of your King. You shall 
come to your senses when I have you plunged into a dungeon. 
(Again catches her.) Kiss me if you would escape prison. 

34 



Zenora (Tearing from him.) You shall not defile me, base one. You are 

unworthy to be king, and are worse than the cattle of the field. 

King Fez (In rage.) By the gods, you shall pay for this. I'll have your 
tongue cut out, you saucy beauty. (Again catches her.) Kiss me 
or feel my vengeance. 

Queen (Rushing upon them.) Shame to you. King! Free the maiden! 

Would you commit this baseness before my eyes? 

King Fez (Releasing Zenora.) Curse you all ! Know you not that I am King 
and am privileged to do as I will ? By the gods ! I '11 imprison you 
all before the sun again sets. I shall teach you not to interfere 
with my pleasures. 

Queen (To Zenora.) You huzzy ! You who pretend to be my friend, then 

endeavor to steal the love of my husband. Begone! Begone from 
my sight ! 

Zenora (Falls on her knees iefore the Queen.) Oh, Queen, I pray you hear 

me for I have done no wrong. 

Queen • Do you mean that the King has done the wrong ? 'Tis a lie, deceitful 
one ! You intended to steal his love, otherwise he never would have 
noticed you. With your pretty face you would rob me of the love 
of my husband, then tell me that the blame is his ! Leave me, I say ! 

Zenora Oh, noble Queen, I beg you to listen. If you wish, I will disfigure 

this face. I am innocent of any wrong. You know my idea of life, 
and I promise that I will take my life before I am forced into 
becoming — 

Queen Forced! do you say? 

Zenora Forced or not, I shall never become the plaything of the King, 

whose love is morally and lawfully yours. 

Queen Will you swear that you have never given the King any encourage- 

ment? 

Zenora I swear it ! You have seen all, and must know that neither Beota 

nor myself have ever directed an improper word or look to the King. 
(Reenter the King^ unseen.) 
35 



Queen If I give you your freedom will you leave, that the King may nevei 

again see you? 

Zenoba Yes, gladly. 

Queen I have done you an injustice, and you are free to leave, and so we 

will defeat the King — 

King JPez So you plot to rob me of my pleasures ! Ha ! Ha ! But it is now 
undone, and none of you can thwart my purpose. 

Queen If you further attempt to carry out your hellish purpose (Tears her 

gown and exposes her hreast) this breast shall reek in blood and 
your wickedness shall forever haunt you. These maidens shall 
likewise thwart you, for in death we shall be free and your power 
over us will be at an end. 

King Fez Do you realize that your lives are in my keeping and that you should 
not defy me? 

Queen True, but I am your wife, and a wife's right I have. Think, 'twas 

but yesterday that you did pledge your love and devotion to me, 
and me alone. You are not yourself, and you are not the great 
king Fez, for he, noble and true, would not talk or act so. 

King Fez Bah, you would rule me ; you would lead me by the nose. 

Queen No ! No ! 



Punk (Enters Singing.) 



No woman can lead me by the nose. 
Nor can she tramp upon my toes, 
For I can do as I please 
Without getting on my knees 
And saying, ' ' Dear Wif ey, may I ? ' ' 
So I '11 always drive single 
And make the money jingle ; 
I can flirt, I can booze, 
I can do as I choose; 
I never need lie, 
Nor say, ' ' Dear Wif ey, may J ? " 

No woman has a string on me, 
That's why I'm so gay and free; 
I can do as I please 

36 



Without getting on my knees 

And saying, "Dear Wifey, may If" 

So I'll never drive double, 

For that means trouble; 

I can do as I please 

Without telling a lie, 

Without getting on my knees 

And saying, "Dear Wifey, may I?" 

King Fez A married man can well envy that man. 

Queen And women consider themselves lucky that none of them have him. 

Punk Your majesties are both right and both wrong. 

(Enter Cupid.) 

Cupid I have just come from beyond the seas, and have had a glorious 

time. Two kings and two queens have I shot in the heart, and any 
number of the nobility, milkmaids, slaves and savages. Oh, where 
are my fairies? Why do they not come? Will they ever linger 
with the lovers on the other side of the world ? 

Punk Cupid, how much do the lawyers pay you a year for your work ? 

Cupid A most absurd question, sir. 

Punk Well, if you didn 't hitch these couples, the lawyers eouldn 't unhitch 

them, could they? 

Cupid You never were in love or you wouldn't talk so. 

Punk (Sings) There dwells in a far away city 

Beside the ocean shore 
A woman, sweet and pretty, 

Whom I yet adore. 
When I told her that I loved her 

She fondly pressed my hand, 
But her father, who objected. 

Took her to a foreign land. 
But before she went I saw her 

And she vowed that she'd be true. 
That she'd send love's messages 

By a dear old Cuckoo. 

37 



Cuck-00, Ciiek-oo, Cnek-oo, 
To yon I still am true ; 
Cuek-oo, Ciick-oo, Cuck-oo, 
I am waiting, dear, for you. 

I hastened across the waters 

To find that she had wed, 
And my heart sank within me, 

And I wished I were dead; 
And then I chanced to meet her, 

And saw the sadness in her eyes, 
And learned that her father 

Had forced the marriage ties. 
And yet when she left me 

I knew she still was true, 
For I heard that same sweet message 

From that dear old Cuck-oo. 

Cuck-oo, Cuck-oo, Cuck-oo, 
All my love is for you ; 
Cuek-oo, Cuek-oo, Cuck-oo, 
To you I am still true. 

Many a day has passed 

And my hair is turning gray, 
And yet my soul still wanders 

Across that ocean bay. 
I see her in her sadness, 

And know what 's in her heart. 
And know that duty says 

That we must do our part. 
But when roaming in the orchard 

In the early morning dew 
I get a wireless message 

Through that dear old Cuck-oo. 

Cuck-oo, Cuek-oo, Cuck-oo, 
To you I still am true ; 
Cuck-oo, Cuck-oo, Cuck-oo, 
My love is all for you. 

38 



King Fez Lnek}^ man ! Yet doesn't seem to know what trouble he has escaped. 

Cupid (To King) I have heard that voice before, but I vow there is no 

love in it. 

King Fez (Attempts to slap Cupid.) Insolent imp ! Luckily you escaped 
that blow\ 

Cupid Oh ! Oh ! Fairies, protect me ! Make haste ! Make haste ! 

Queen (Protecting Cupid) (Fairies rush in from all sides.) I will protect 

you. The King dare not harm you. (Fairies surround Cupid.) 

King Fez Avv^ay imps ! Away v/ith you 1 

Fairy Oh, what a wicked king ! We must call the dragons to protect us. 

Queen Pray spare him. Spare him for my sake. 

King Fez Bring on your dragons ; bring on the devil if you wish. What care I? 

Fairy Have care, sir, for there is no escape from either. In the twinkling 

of an eye they can change you to nothing. 

Punk Change him into a monkey, for that is what you are making of him. 

Fairy This is the worst place we ever were in. 

King Fez You are too smaJl to hurt, so I'll let you all escape this time. 

Cupid There is a little love in Punk's heart. (Dratvs his l)ow and arrow.) 

If his love is as true as my aim, I '11 hit it. (Shoots.) 

Punk Wow ! Wow ! Wow ! You have hit me in the foot ! 

Cupid Well, that is where your heart is. 

Punk My heart is in my stomach. 

Cupid Yes, that is where the hearts of most men are, but yours is so small, 

smaller than a pea, and has fallen into your foot. 

Queen Can you not hit the King's heart, little one. 

Cupid 'Tis sad, but he even hasn't a heart in his stomach. It's scattered 

everywhere ; every pretty maid in the kingdom seems to have a 
piece of it. 

Punk (Opera) Love is but a dream and lasts but a day. 

39 



Queen 
Cupid 



(Opera) sir, how can you talk that way. 



(Opera) A wife, if she is smart, 
Can have her own way 
By making hubby think 
That he is having his say; 
She never must defy 
But be as good as pie, 
And so sly 

That she can lead him 
Or bleed him 
And he not know it. 
Then, with a hug and a kiss, 
Tell him to go it. 

Punk (Opera) And hubby will think he is cock of the walk, 

When in truth and in fact he is a fool ; 
But open his eyes and he 's sure to balk. 

And be more stubborn than a mule. 
Let him think he's drivin' the wagon. 

But you pull the lines as you 'd have 'em, 
Pull the wool over his eyes 

And he '11 think you quite wise. 

Cupid One would think you had some experience, dear Punk, 

Punk Not experience, but the real thing. 

Cupid Then tell us about it. 

Punk (Sings) I one time had a girl 

I thought was very fair 
But whom I soon discovered 

Wore someone else 's hair. 
She had a great big muscle 

And two or three sets of teeth, 
But! It was her glass eye 

That quick brought her to grief. 

I said, said I — 



Cupid 



Well, what did you say ? 



40 



All tn Chorus I said, "Skidoo, it's 23 for you. 
Go and be made over, 
And perhaps then yon '11 do. ' ' 

Punk (Sings) And then one day I met 

A charming brunette, 
One of those dear things 

Who loves to play roulette. 
She bet on the red 

And r bet on the blue, 
And it wasn 't very long 

'Till I was up the flue. 

She said, said she — 

Cupid Well, what did she say ? 

All in Chorus She said, ''Skidoo, it's 23 for you 
I've got your coin, so 
I 've no use for you. ' ' 

Punk (Sings) Then I met a society girl, 

One who smoked cigarettes, 
Who lay in bed 'till noon, 

And had poodles for her pets. 
She drank a bit of sherry 

And I took gin for tea, 
And it wasn't very long 

Until I couldn't see. 

She said, said she — 

Cupid Well, what did she say? 

All in Chorus She said, "Skidoo, it's 23 for you. 
If that's all you can stand 
The jig is up with you. 

Punk (Sings) I one time had a blond 

Who wore a great big hat, 

Who loved the game called poker. 
Which she had down quite pat. 

She bet on the ace 

41 



And I on the duee, 
And before we were through 
I saw I was a goose. 
She said, said she — 

Cupid Well, what did she say? 

All in Chorus She said, "Skidoo, it's 23 for you. 
Now as I have your glue 
I have no more use for you. 

Punk (Sings) I one time had a girl, 

As sweet as she could be, 
Who wore a lovely curl 

Way down unto her knee, 
But when I popped the question 

And got down at her feet, 
She handed me a lemon 

And raising from her seat, 

She said, said she — 

Cupid Well, what did she say? 

All in Chorus She said, "Skidoo, it's 23 for you. 
You are a lobster, 
So you and I are through. 

Punk (Sings) And then I got another. 

One with a pretty face. 
One of those dear creatures 

Who any place would grace. 
But when I popped the question 

She was worse than the first, 
And got to laughing so^ 

I thought that she would burst. 

She said, said she — 

Cupid Well, what did she say? 

All in Chorus She said, ' ' Skidoo, it 's 23 for you. 
What you really need 
Is a lemon stew. 

42 



Punk (Sings) At last I met a girl 

I finally made my wife, 
And gave her all I had 

Excepting my life. 
And then I got the marble heart 

And things thrown at my head, 
And in the following spring 

We were no longer wed. 

She said, said she. 

Cupid Well, what did she say? 

All in Chorus She said, "Skidoo, it's 23 for you. 
Now as I have your coin 
I have no use for you. 

CURTAIN. 



43 



Art 3 



SCENE— FAIRIES IN WOODLAND. 

Fairy Chorus Hark ! Hark ye to the wooing, 

The coy lily turns its head, 
The gallant lover is wooing 

The maid he would wed. 
Nightingales soar through the skies 

Singing, singing, singing so grand 
Of pure, true love, love and its ties 

That makes joy, joy in the land. 

Hark! The King and Queen are wooing 

As before their marriage day; 
The stars are slyly twinkling 

Through the sun's passing ray, 
The moon hides in the azure sky, 

Winking, blinking, winking so sly, 
And yet it smiles, smiles so bland, 

For there is joy, joy in the land. 

(Enter Punk and Toko.) 

Punk Cupid must have been pretty busy here of late, for it seems that 

everybody is in love with himself, his own girl and everybody else's 
girl. 

Cupid But, my dear Punk, are you in love, or have you ever been in love ? 

Punk I love every girl here, but they don't seem to know it, for not one 

even gives me a pleasant look. Yes, I've been in love before, more 
than a million times. The first girl I had I thought was a peach, 
but I soon found that she was a lemon. Ah! I shall never forget 
the last night we were together. 

Cupid Tell me about it. 

44 



Punk It was a beautiful moonlight night 
And the stars are brightly twinkling. 
The sheep were browsing in the meadows, 
And their bells are softly tinkling. 
And as we by the winds were fanned 
I took her lily-white hand, , 

Told her that I loved her, 
That I wanted her for my wife, 
That I'd give her all I had, even my life. 
I gazed into her liquid eyes, 
Tore my heart loose, threw it at her feet, 
Told her that I 'd get my life insured, 
And make my lap her seat. 
But as I talked her lamb-like eyes 
Turned into fire, 
And in about sixteen seconds 
I felt her ire. 
She batted me in the jaw. 
Pulled my hair. 
Then, like an angry cat, 
Gave me an awful stare, 
And I lay paralyzed. 
And in the following morning 
By the doctors was analyzed, 
Who found within me 
The x-ray she gave me. 
That it had cooked my liver, 
Scortched a lung. 
And cooked my gall quite done. 
And they tried to patch me up, 
But didn't put me together right, 
Got my insides mixed up. 
And, oh, I M^as an awful sight ! 
My ears, my hands and my legs 
Stuck out like wooden pegs. 
I had a liver for a lung, 
A kidney for a tongue. 
Wheels were going round in my head. 
And they called me bug house 
And said I'd better be dead. 

45 



And then an old wizzard came, 

Took me to his hut, 

And he and his old dame 

Cut, cut, cut. 

Patched me up the best they could, 

And here I am. 



Cupid Oh, what an awful sad story. Of course, you know you are now in 

the enchanted land, and all who come here are made perfect? 

Punk That's a new one on me, Mr. Cupid. 

Cupid Oh dear, how strange you talk! See this golden arrow. (Shows it 

to Punk.) This is an enchanted arrow, and belonged to a gallant 
brave, long, long ago, and whenever I shoot it, he and his beautiful 
squaw come back. Now watch me shoot it, then when they come, I '11 
make a man of you. 

Punk A man of me 1 "What do you think I am ? A squaw ? 

(Cupid shoots.) Brrrrrrr 

(An Indian, his Squaw and Braves appear.) 

Punk That 's great ! Now let us have a war dance. 

(Brave and his Squaw sing as indicated.) 

Brave Big Chief Crow, he is an Indian, 

I 'm an Indian, too ; 
In his wigwam dwelt Wenonah, 

Whom I longed to woo; 
So I donned my eagle feathers, 

Took my tomahawk. 
Decked my face in many colors. 

Started on a walk 
'Cross the woodland and the prairie 

Where Wenonah, sweet and merry, 
Sat a 'weaving in her wigwam 

Strings of blue and dainty wampum ; 
Sat a 'weaving in her wigwam 

Strings of blue and dainty wampum. 

46 



Brave Wenonah ! Wenonah ! 

Won 't you be my squaw ? 

Won 't you weave your belts of wampum 

In my new and roomy wigwam? 

Won't you ride at my side 

On my pony as my bride? 

Wenonah ! Wenonah ! 

Won't you be my squaw? 

Squaw He who wins me for a squaw 

Must be brave and true. 
He must fight and win my hand, 

He must more than woo. 
He must phick a big chief's feathers; 

Like a cunning fox 
Steal me way across the prairie 

In the mountain rocks. 
For in the woodland, o'er the prairie, 

I, Wenonah, am to marry; 
Am tp marry that bad chief, 

He who gambled with my father, 
Tricked him out of all his wampum. 

With Wenonah and her wigwam. 

Brave Big Chief Crow, he had an Indian, 

Had an Indian brave, 
Picked out for his sweet Wenonah, 

One he thought quite brave. 
So he bade him pull my feathers. 

Break my tomahawk, 
Drive me back across the prairie. 

Scare me by big talk. 

Brave and Squaw (Duet) In the woodland, near the prairie, 

While Wenonah watched and tarried, 
There I met that brave in combat. 
Where I smote him, smote him hard, 
When I carried to my wigwam 
Sweet Wenonah and her wampum. 

47 



(Diiet, each carrying their own words to same melody.) 



Brave 
Wenonah ! Wenonah ! 
She is now my squaw, 
And she weaves her belts of wampum 
In my new and roomy wigwam. 
There she sits as my pride 
With our papoose at her side. 
Wenonah ! Wenonah ! 
Forever my squaw. 



Punk 



Squaw 
Wenonah ! Wenonah ! 
I am now his squaw, 
And I weave my belts of wampum 
In his new and roomy wigwam. 
There I sit at his side 
With our papoose as our pride. 
Wenonah ! Wenonah ! 
A true brave's squaw. 



I feel as though I were in dreamland, as though I were soaring 
through the air ; and yet I 'm so sleepy, so sleepy — I must lie down. 

(Falls in a chair asleep.) 
(Fairies encircle him, chanting) 

Hist! Hist! Hist! 

We now must raise the mist. 

Hist! Hist! Hist! 

He now the magic has kissed. 

Hark! Hark! Hark! 

We awake the magic spark. 

Shoo ! Shoo ! Shoo ! 

We now our roots must stew. 

Shoo ! Shoo ! Shoo ! 

We are now almost through. 

(Punh jumps to his feet, changed into a handsome youth.) 

Punk The ban is raised and I am myself again. The blood of youth again 

pours through my veins. 

(Enter the King.) 

Chorus We have once again by magic conquered, 
We have made a youth of age. 
Dear old father time we've conquered, 
And turned back a century page. 

Cupid Ho! Ho! If there ain't King Fez. (Draws his golden arrow.) 

I promised the Queen I 'd use the golden arrow on him, so here goes. 
(Shoots the King.) Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! A splendid shot ! 

48 



King Fez I feel as though enchanted. - 

Cupid You couldn't help but be now. 

King Fez I feel changed in body and mind. My taste for liquor is gone, and 
I long for my Queen. 

(^^W^) (Queen inters.) 

Oh, how I long for my love, 

The woman of my youth. 
Oh, how I long for my Queen, 

A queen in fact and truth, 
Who is a true and loving wife, 

The flower of this land. 
The guiding star of my life, 

A queen both true and grand. 

(Queen sings to same m.elody.) 

Oh, how I longed for your love, 

That you would be true. 
Oh, how I longed for this day 

And our love renew. 
I feel now as a perfect queen, 

With power of a right 
To lean upon my lord and King 

When day has lost its light. 

(Duet, King and Queen, to same melody.) 

Oh, how sweet it is to love. 

It is the perfect bliss. 
Oh, how sweet it is to be united. 

Naught of life to miss. 
It is the only road to peace. 

The flower of life 
That makes a home a heaven on earth. 

Makes darkness seem as light. 

Chorus We have once again by magic conquered 
And awoke the love of youth. 
Dear old Father Time we 've conquered, 
Made a King in fact and truth. 

(Enter Zenora and Beota.) 
49 



Cupid I have two arrows left, and I '11 not dare to throw them away. Well, 

here goes. (Shoots Zenora.) Ha ! Ha ! A splendid shot. 

(Enter Yoko.) 

Zenora (To King.) Noble King Fez, will you pardon a refugee? 

King Fez As everyone is in love here, I suppose you are no exception, so tell 
me who is the lucky man, and 1 11 pardon him, for he can not be very 
bad if you love him. 

Zenora Prince Yoko. 

King Fez Well and good. 

Yoko 

Cupid 



Punk 
Cupid 



Zenora! (She goes to his arms.) 

Here is one more arrow, I wonder who that is meant for. Ah, yes. 
(Shoots Punk.) Splendid ! 

Beota ! (She goes to Punk and he takes her in his arms.) 

Well, I 've not wasted any time here, that 's certain. I have not made 
a miss. 



Quartet. (Same melody as previous song.) 
Oh, how sweet it is to love, 

It is the perfect bliss. 
Oh, how sweet to be united, 

Naught of life to miss. 
It is the onl}^ road to peace, 

The joy of a life, 
That makes a home a heaven on earth 

And banishes all strife. 
(High in the rear of the stage appears Father Time, who, during the chorus, 
gradually changes into a hoy with change of scenes.) 
Chorus (Winter Scene.) 

In the bleak and cold December, 

When Boreas is in his prime. 
On an ice berg sits an old man 

Who is known as Father Time. 
By magic we reverse this day 

And make the old man young, 
That youths and maids may sing 

Of the autumn davs of fun. 



50 



(Autumn Scene.) 
In the sweet and fresh October, 

When Boreas is in his hole, 
And the ice bergs are a wandering 

Around the great north pole, 
When Father Time has lost his beard, 

Is taking off his age. 
The youths and maids are dancing 

On a country barn-yard stage. 

(Summer Scene.) 
When the flowers are a blooming 

We know that summer is here, 
That the youths and maids are courting 

Without a trace of fear, 
For father is asleep in bed, 

A' dreaming of the days 
When he and mother used to court 

Upon the ocean waves. 

(Spring Scene.) (Father Time is now a hoy.) 
When the buds are bursting 

We know that spring is here. 
That the babes with lambs are playing 

Upon the meadows near. 
That mother listens to the birds 

A' singing in the trees. 
Yet watches o'er her darling boy 

While gathering sweet peas. 

CURTAIN. 



51 



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